Dear Diary - 12/6/10 - Acceptance and relationships.

Dear Diary,

When you are in a relationship there has to come a time where you learn to accept one another for who they are, faults and all.  Do their faults overcome their purpose in your life?  Do the faults they care with them outway how much they mean to you?  What if their faults - will you come to terms with them and accept that person for who they are?

This the is the same case in every relationship both sexual and non-sexual.  A relationship is based on acceptance.  If the faults out way the need for them in your life, or make it so you can not see past them - when do you give up?  In a friendship you can walk away and come back for short period of time where this "fault or faults" are not as obvious as if when you are in a physcial relationship with someone on a constant basis. 

So the question remains, when do you give up? Life is so short so when do you throw you hands up?

Does it matter that you know in your heart you could never live without them?  Does it matter that when you wake up and they happen to still be there in the morning you feel secure and a since of happiness you couldnt find anywhere else?  Does it matter that you are scared - scared of wasting their time and yours.  Expecally when you have wasted time in the past.

What happens if the thought of leaving feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest and the pain becomes so unbareable you want to scream out in pain and drop to the floor in tears, where breathing almost seems like something you have to beg for.  What to think... think about getting on another bus leaving behind everything you have worked for in the last year, leaving behind what you thought was going to be your forever....

So it brings me back to the idea - is my faults worth accepting or can you not accept them...is there someone out there whom may have absoluely no faults, and the faults will not cause you the mental stress that mine does to you.

My heart rips appart thinking I am 27 years old, and although I have changed so much over the past two years, the petty things you think are so big, to me seem like nothing to me - could actually ruin everything we have come to.

So... I guess I am at the point now of confusion and dispair.  What I thought was to come - everything that should come when you are 27 years old, and where things seem to be going - makes me wonder if I am the one at fault so maybe I should take the time alone to understand why I can not be everything someone would want from me....

My heart is torn, broken, confused, distraught, and in a place of complete darkness - can you fix that darkness?  Not if everything is as it is said... not if ones feelings are their own - I can not change your feelings, and I can not change me completely to the perfection you are looking for, so what is a person to do?