The Ultimate Truth About Relationships - Want to know the truth?
Lets just get it all out there on the table. People say they have best friends. People say they would never hurt or try to hurt those people they consider to be their best friends/friends/etc... but the truth is - there is no such thing. Hear me out here before you start to judge (this is what is wrong with society.)
I will get right to the point of my statement and then give examples and then you can choose to agree or disagree - this is your choice.
The definition of "Friendship" it is a relationship between two people with common ground that are not in a sexual relationship. My relationship between my fiance and I is a Friendship/Sexual relationship. My relationship with people outside of my family are Friendships/No-Sexual relationship. The only difference between my relationship with Beau and my relationship with my friend Bree - is as simple as SEX. There is not a sexual relationship there. This is the only difference. So that being said lets move on to the TRUE meaning of a friendship.
A Friendship is based on the fact of one human being having a relationship with another human being because of common ground. Once that common ground has been broken the relationship will begin to fall apart and it will become an acquaintance - ship. This is completely different than anything I have spoken of, this is where you know someone in passing a "Hi how are you" (and not really truly care about the response) type "relationship."
Are you following me?
Let me give examples to help you better understand.
Everyone has had people walk in and out of their lives for one reason or another. Some people find themselves dumbfounded trying to figure out why their friend of many years disappeared from their lives. Well, let me break it down for you.
Picture yourself in this book called life. As a child you are on the intro, you are still in the beginning. As you grow, you jump around in the chapters as you learn you may progress, and as you fail you may back-pedal.
Now with that picture in your head, think about the people in your lives,... these people you consider to be very close friends. Now imagine were you are in this book and think about where they are. The people you truly define as your "Best friends" will be either on the same page, or very close to your page, maybejust barely on the next page or not far behind you.
Now looking at where you are in the book and think about your relationship with the person you are with (Sexual Relationship) This person you are with is either - On the same page OR is not too far ahead and on a page you either think you deserve to be on (maybe they can take you there) or you are both on the same page.
Now. Acquaintance - This relationships with these people - they are not ten chapters ahead but they are not out of eyes reach. This makes them an acquaintance. You see them in passing so they cant be that far gone.
Still following me? Good, because it will get more difficult from here.
Now going back to your Best friends. People say there are very few people in this world that are Best friends and they say, my best friend will be there through thick and thin til the end of time. No matter what. Well... I can tell you this is VERY far fetched and very seldom do you come across someone that will be on your same page, every time you turn the page they are right behind your every word. The reason why this hardly ever happens is because people change. THATS right... people CHANGE. And not for a bad way either. They could be trying to better themselves... maybe they decided they are reading to slow, and they start speeding up. Now the best friend is struggling because reading faster is not something they can do right now. Your "Best friend" Becomes an acquaintance - VERY quickly.
Let me explain more -
I had Gastric Bypass, as you all know. I had MANY friends before this surgery. But most of my "Best friends" - they are all just as miserable as I was, maybe not Huge in weight. But they were still on the same page because Misery LOVES company. I was their company. I decided to have surgery and I decided what I was doing - was reading too damn slow. So I read faster and I even jumped a few steps. And before I knew It I was being called names, being degraded. Being disrespected... all by ?? you ask?? All by my so called "Best friend." This made me think about the true meaning of friends and who I was and what I had done to deserve this... and then it all clicked. The truth about friends... is not as complex as it may seem.
As soon as I decided to read a little faster (and I did try to help those around me to read with me...) I was shunned from what I thought was a perfect friendship. Not just by one... Not just by two... by nearly EVERY SINGLE person I knew before having Gastric Bypass.
The peopleI thought would congratulate me for taking ahold of my life before I had a heart attack from being over 400 pounds and I thought would be happy to see me happy rather than in a casket -they were judgemental and disgraced all of the hard work I did to save my life.
Now you would say - the they were not best friends - right? Your wrong. They were my best friends. They were my everything then and I realize now... I turnedthe pages too fast and I rocked their own boats.
Now... On to your relationship (sexual) woahs...
Ever wonder why a relationship fails? It fails because one partner finds themselves either wanting to read onto the next chapter while the other partner wants to stay on the same chapter. This is the demise of most relationships.
Now. You could say - I would be so happy if my best friend won the lottery. BUT - Down under it all, you think you know that they would give you some to help you out as well right? Dont say no. If they didnt giveyou some and they went about their lives with all these fancy things while you are still where you are - it would end the relationship. It would. Unless you could thrive on their fortune - You are still Many chapters behind where you both were before the other person (my miracle) jumped ahead ten chapters.
I guess if I was that person,to keep my friends I would do what I could to bring those close to me to the same chapter as I was on - in order to keep those friends. But why should I have to? See - this is my point.
There is no such thing as True Best Friends. Or perfect relationships (all types) unless both parties are on the same page/chapter even for the entirety of their lives.
My Mother's Story -
She had TONS of friends when she was my age as she worked at a bar. She knew everyone and everyone knew her. It was an awesome timein her life- surrounded by people she thought would do anything for her as she would do for them. That was until I asked her to come to my school for career day when I was in the second grade. She had to decline and this made her think of her choices. Within a month she signed up for classes to get out of the life style she was in to persue something more professional, something she could be pround of. Within a year she lost nearly ALL of her friends and within a few years, they were all gone... why? She jumped chapters - and the others... they could not, so the friendships slowly ended. And she did this with no support - accept for the support of her children.
This is where I come to the question... is it Jealousy? Is it Jealousy in the human nature to shun those that are not on the same page as you. Think back to elementry school... middle school.... or the worse - Highschool. People formed clicks for a reason. This is the beginning of the mess we have in society. The clicks of people on the same page. These clicks even stayed together for a long period of time until different decisions were made to cause people to drift apart.
So - My Meaning behind this article... Charish you friendships today because they can easily be gone tomorrow. And dont make decisions, based on what other people think - but dont find yourself upset when those you thought would be there forever are not.
With this I dedicate to my friends of my past. Mostly those before my gastric bypass- ones I have drifted apart from and no longer speak to. This wasnt by my choice - it was yours. I tried to show you that I have not changed - I may be on a different chapter, but I am still me. I am on the chapter called "Be healthy or die" Respect my decisions as I have always respected yours. Be happy for my accomplishments and remember they are not too far out of your reach - you could easily take charge of your life and make the changes to better you.
I ask - Do not judge the things I do today, as they are making me better for tomorrow. Do not judge my decisions as they are accomplishing a goal I have set for me - not you.
So. As a last note. Rely on ONLY you. You know the phrase "Do you" and the ultimate phrase "You only live once and you can only count on you" I take these to heart. As I still have people I consider to be my friends now, but know they can be gone in an instant.
I am living my life for me and those that are not on my page - I understand the consequences of my decisions. But this will not stop me in accomplishing my Great Goals I have set for myself.
And finally - I am willing to lose those I love today for the chance to Love me - Tomorrow.
Godbless.
Jessica
Lets just get it all out there on the table. People say they have best friends. People say they would never hurt or try to hurt those people they consider to be their best friends/friends/etc... but the truth is - there is no such thing. Hear me out here before you start to judge (this is what is wrong with society.)
I will get right to the point of my statement and then give examples and then you can choose to agree or disagree - this is your choice.
The definition of "Friendship" it is a relationship between two people with common ground that are not in a sexual relationship. My relationship between my fiance and I is a Friendship/Sexual relationship. My relationship with people outside of my family are Friendships/No-Sexual relationship. The only difference between my relationship with Beau and my relationship with my friend Bree - is as simple as SEX. There is not a sexual relationship there. This is the only difference. So that being said lets move on to the TRUE meaning of a friendship.
A Friendship is based on the fact of one human being having a relationship with another human being because of common ground. Once that common ground has been broken the relationship will begin to fall apart and it will become an acquaintance - ship. This is completely different than anything I have spoken of, this is where you know someone in passing a "Hi how are you" (and not really truly care about the response) type "relationship."
Are you following me?
Let me give examples to help you better understand.
Everyone has had people walk in and out of their lives for one reason or another. Some people find themselves dumbfounded trying to figure out why their friend of many years disappeared from their lives. Well, let me break it down for you.
Picture yourself in this book called life. As a child you are on the intro, you are still in the beginning. As you grow, you jump around in the chapters as you learn you may progress, and as you fail you may back-pedal.
Now with that picture in your head, think about the people in your lives,... these people you consider to be very close friends. Now imagine were you are in this book and think about where they are. The people you truly define as your "Best friends" will be either on the same page, or very close to your page, maybejust barely on the next page or not far behind you.
Now looking at where you are in the book and think about your relationship with the person you are with (Sexual Relationship) This person you are with is either - On the same page OR is not too far ahead and on a page you either think you deserve to be on (maybe they can take you there) or you are both on the same page.
Now. Acquaintance - This relationships with these people - they are not ten chapters ahead but they are not out of eyes reach. This makes them an acquaintance. You see them in passing so they cant be that far gone.
Still following me? Good, because it will get more difficult from here.
Now going back to your Best friends. People say there are very few people in this world that are Best friends and they say, my best friend will be there through thick and thin til the end of time. No matter what. Well... I can tell you this is VERY far fetched and very seldom do you come across someone that will be on your same page, every time you turn the page they are right behind your every word. The reason why this hardly ever happens is because people change. THATS right... people CHANGE. And not for a bad way either. They could be trying to better themselves... maybe they decided they are reading to slow, and they start speeding up. Now the best friend is struggling because reading faster is not something they can do right now. Your "Best friend" Becomes an acquaintance - VERY quickly.
Let me explain more -
I had Gastric Bypass, as you all know. I had MANY friends before this surgery. But most of my "Best friends" - they are all just as miserable as I was, maybe not Huge in weight. But they were still on the same page because Misery LOVES company. I was their company. I decided to have surgery and I decided what I was doing - was reading too damn slow. So I read faster and I even jumped a few steps. And before I knew It I was being called names, being degraded. Being disrespected... all by ?? you ask?? All by my so called "Best friend." This made me think about the true meaning of friends and who I was and what I had done to deserve this... and then it all clicked. The truth about friends... is not as complex as it may seem.
As soon as I decided to read a little faster (and I did try to help those around me to read with me...) I was shunned from what I thought was a perfect friendship. Not just by one... Not just by two... by nearly EVERY SINGLE person I knew before having Gastric Bypass.
The peopleI thought would congratulate me for taking ahold of my life before I had a heart attack from being over 400 pounds and I thought would be happy to see me happy rather than in a casket -they were judgemental and disgraced all of the hard work I did to save my life.
Now you would say - the they were not best friends - right? Your wrong. They were my best friends. They were my everything then and I realize now... I turnedthe pages too fast and I rocked their own boats.
Now... On to your relationship (sexual) woahs...
Ever wonder why a relationship fails? It fails because one partner finds themselves either wanting to read onto the next chapter while the other partner wants to stay on the same chapter. This is the demise of most relationships.
Now. You could say - I would be so happy if my best friend won the lottery. BUT - Down under it all, you think you know that they would give you some to help you out as well right? Dont say no. If they didnt giveyou some and they went about their lives with all these fancy things while you are still where you are - it would end the relationship. It would. Unless you could thrive on their fortune - You are still Many chapters behind where you both were before the other person (my miracle) jumped ahead ten chapters.
I guess if I was that person,to keep my friends I would do what I could to bring those close to me to the same chapter as I was on - in order to keep those friends. But why should I have to? See - this is my point.
There is no such thing as True Best Friends. Or perfect relationships (all types) unless both parties are on the same page/chapter even for the entirety of their lives.
My Mother's Story -
She had TONS of friends when she was my age as she worked at a bar. She knew everyone and everyone knew her. It was an awesome timein her life- surrounded by people she thought would do anything for her as she would do for them. That was until I asked her to come to my school for career day when I was in the second grade. She had to decline and this made her think of her choices. Within a month she signed up for classes to get out of the life style she was in to persue something more professional, something she could be pround of. Within a year she lost nearly ALL of her friends and within a few years, they were all gone... why? She jumped chapters - and the others... they could not, so the friendships slowly ended. And she did this with no support - accept for the support of her children.
This is where I come to the question... is it Jealousy? Is it Jealousy in the human nature to shun those that are not on the same page as you. Think back to elementry school... middle school.... or the worse - Highschool. People formed clicks for a reason. This is the beginning of the mess we have in society. The clicks of people on the same page. These clicks even stayed together for a long period of time until different decisions were made to cause people to drift apart.
So - My Meaning behind this article... Charish you friendships today because they can easily be gone tomorrow. And dont make decisions, based on what other people think - but dont find yourself upset when those you thought would be there forever are not.
With this I dedicate to my friends of my past. Mostly those before my gastric bypass- ones I have drifted apart from and no longer speak to. This wasnt by my choice - it was yours. I tried to show you that I have not changed - I may be on a different chapter, but I am still me. I am on the chapter called "Be healthy or die" Respect my decisions as I have always respected yours. Be happy for my accomplishments and remember they are not too far out of your reach - you could easily take charge of your life and make the changes to better you.
I ask - Do not judge the things I do today, as they are making me better for tomorrow. Do not judge my decisions as they are accomplishing a goal I have set for me - not you.
So. As a last note. Rely on ONLY you. You know the phrase "Do you" and the ultimate phrase "You only live once and you can only count on you" I take these to heart. As I still have people I consider to be my friends now, but know they can be gone in an instant.
I am living my life for me and those that are not on my page - I understand the consequences of my decisions. But this will not stop me in accomplishing my Great Goals I have set for myself.
And finally - I am willing to lose those I love today for the chance to Love me - Tomorrow.
Godbless.
Jessica
