On a better topic, we got a puppy. His name is Meaty. I call him MeMe because it is easier to say when I am yelling at him from the couch. He is a Red Nosed, Double XL pitbull, with Loads of temper. Molly, our 2 year old white lab loves him to death now that she has gotten used to his crazy puppy behavior. My husband is amazing, and I couldnt be happier with my beautiful family... two amazing, full of love pups, and the most amazing man in the world, I get to call hubby. I do love every part of my beautiful family... =-)
Monday, December 26, 2011
Dear Diary 12/26/2011
Dear Diary,
So another year seems to have come and gone. What to do now? I mean, I feel like every day is just passing me by and I... well to say the least, am F$%king sick of laying about waiting for something better to come along.
I guess I should update you on everything going on... Hmm, where to start...
Well, because I don't feel like going back and checking to see what I have written in my last post, so I will just start with what I feel is relevant.
So, My stomach problems that made my life miserable just about all year last year, was for the most part, controled with medications and eating better, so I went back to work in June, 2011.
Well, I was working, and doing amazing, of course, and I was loving being back at work - that was until I had a fall at work. The fall severely put a damper on my chipper life. I herniated some discs and well, to say the least, I was completely screwed up. I went to the doctor and they put me through workers compensation.
Let me just tell you - Worker's Compensation is a BULLSHIT system. Yeah, it is supposed to help pay for you while your out of work, BUT - They put you through so much BS, it seems more appropriate to simply be fired, so at least while your getting better you can take unemployment. What about Health insurance you say? Well - the situation I am in, seems like it would be better to just go to the ER without insurance.
The WC (worker's compensation) insurance process is BS. I live in Wilmington... This is a large city here in North Carolina, and everything you could need is here. This stupid system is making me drive TWO hours for an Xray... AN XRAY! It has been over four months since my fall and just now we are at the point of testing to see what is wrong. And then, besides that, I have to sit in a car, for two hours with a back that makes it difficult to walk. I walk with a limp for a short amount of time before my legs give out. When I sit for too long I cant move, and they want me to ride in a car for 2 hours - well more like two and a half hours, for an Xray. It is crazy.
Then - on top of that, try to get a check so you can pay your bills. I mean, it is like trying to squeeze blood from an orange, and we are talking an old dried up orange you find in the back of your fridge, not a blood orange.
I don't know, I just know one thing... It has been nearly 5 months, I am still in pain and I am not sure my lawyer understands problems I see. I want to throw things against a wall. Nevermind the fact, my place of employment only cares to save a few bucks instead of their employees health. It is insane... and the company I work for is a LARGE cell phone retailer, so it isnt like they are some small company.
I guess I am not just mad at them, I am also mad at myself. I am not sure, I just know there is more I could be doing out there, more life for me to live and I am stuck here, dealing with pain and discomfort, just trying to get through the day, when the only thing I want to do, is lay here and cry.
I wish we could win the lottery. I would tell my place of employment where to go, pay my lawyer off and just pay for myself to get better, with a doctor who cares and just move on from this... I guess I better buy me a few extra lottery tickets if I can scrounge up the change, and just pray for a miracle.
I will come back to this when I am in a better mood, I am sure you would expect a little more chipper me... right?
With love...
Jessica
So another year seems to have come and gone. What to do now? I mean, I feel like every day is just passing me by and I... well to say the least, am F$%king sick of laying about waiting for something better to come along.
I guess I should update you on everything going on... Hmm, where to start...
Well, because I don't feel like going back and checking to see what I have written in my last post, so I will just start with what I feel is relevant.
So, My stomach problems that made my life miserable just about all year last year, was for the most part, controled with medications and eating better, so I went back to work in June, 2011.
Well, I was working, and doing amazing, of course, and I was loving being back at work - that was until I had a fall at work. The fall severely put a damper on my chipper life. I herniated some discs and well, to say the least, I was completely screwed up. I went to the doctor and they put me through workers compensation.
Let me just tell you - Worker's Compensation is a BULLSHIT system. Yeah, it is supposed to help pay for you while your out of work, BUT - They put you through so much BS, it seems more appropriate to simply be fired, so at least while your getting better you can take unemployment. What about Health insurance you say? Well - the situation I am in, seems like it would be better to just go to the ER without insurance.
The WC (worker's compensation) insurance process is BS. I live in Wilmington... This is a large city here in North Carolina, and everything you could need is here. This stupid system is making me drive TWO hours for an Xray... AN XRAY! It has been over four months since my fall and just now we are at the point of testing to see what is wrong. And then, besides that, I have to sit in a car, for two hours with a back that makes it difficult to walk. I walk with a limp for a short amount of time before my legs give out. When I sit for too long I cant move, and they want me to ride in a car for 2 hours - well more like two and a half hours, for an Xray. It is crazy.
Then - on top of that, try to get a check so you can pay your bills. I mean, it is like trying to squeeze blood from an orange, and we are talking an old dried up orange you find in the back of your fridge, not a blood orange.
I don't know, I just know one thing... It has been nearly 5 months, I am still in pain and I am not sure my lawyer understands problems I see. I want to throw things against a wall. Nevermind the fact, my place of employment only cares to save a few bucks instead of their employees health. It is insane... and the company I work for is a LARGE cell phone retailer, so it isnt like they are some small company.
I guess I am not just mad at them, I am also mad at myself. I am not sure, I just know there is more I could be doing out there, more life for me to live and I am stuck here, dealing with pain and discomfort, just trying to get through the day, when the only thing I want to do, is lay here and cry.
I wish we could win the lottery. I would tell my place of employment where to go, pay my lawyer off and just pay for myself to get better, with a doctor who cares and just move on from this... I guess I better buy me a few extra lottery tickets if I can scrounge up the change, and just pray for a miracle.
I will come back to this when I am in a better mood, I am sure you would expect a little more chipper me... right?
With love...
Jessica
Monday, November 21, 2011
Meaning to life...
Never wish your days away, before you know it they will be gone anyways... Wish for more, and even if you dislike what is happening this second, embrace it. It is what makes us stronger, if it is work, it is what shows in the check at the end of the week, if it is unhappiness, change it. Oh and - Stop asking what is the meaning to life, you have the answer right in front of you - it is to live it. Life is about living. Live every second like it is your last, with happiness.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
8/11/2011 - Dear Diary Update.
An update would be easy if the real world was easy.
She lays, sofly engulfed in her comfort of livng. She smiles as she closes her eyes and gently falls asleep. Awaken by the sound of the birds and the sun on her face still smiling she moves about in a slow and yet so elegant pace. She makes her cup of tea and ....
Who does that?
Lets try this again...
She lays, sofly engulfed in her comfort of livng. She smiles as she closes her eyes and gently falls asleep. Awaken by the sound of the birds and the sun on her face still smiling she moves about in a slow and yet so elegant pace. She makes her cup of tea and ....
Who does that?
Lets try this again...
She lays in her comfortable bed, but struggles to fall asleep as everytime she closes her eyes she thinks of all the wrong and all the things she needs to do, to improve, to make happen. She turns side to side thinking of how to get from point A to point B. Oh how simple this was, while sitting in a noisey math class in highschool, but real live proves different. She falls asleep after her mind wears her out to the point she can't think any more and the sleeping pill finally took over. Before she knows it she is awake by life. Not by birds or the soft sun, but life. She sits up and wipes the crust from her eyes and drool from her face that only god knows how it is possible to drool that much in ones sleep. She gets moving and rushes about to start her day...
It is funny how one thing gets fixed and it seems like there is little time before something else comes about. Life is life... there is no other way to explain it. It is about fighting through and making your own way and only you can do it for you.
I have found in my years of existance that we have to make right when we are wrong and we have to fight for what it is right. And no matter how much we down play the events - they always come out in the wash in the end.
Well... off to bed I go... the sleeping meds are finally doing their part.
And before I end this (seemingly depressing note) Life is not a bad thing, it is what you make of it... but don't force what can not be forced. Sometimes things arent worth fighting for, and sometimes they are worth all the fight in the world. Pick and choose your fights wisely ... and no matter what... believe anything is possible.
Jessica Burbank-Rogers.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Dear Diary 6/2/2011 - Fresh start
Dear Diary,
Today I woke up at 5am... wth! I couldnt believe it, I even tried to snuggle up to the love of my life, and still couldn't fall asleep! So I sat on the couch and decided I would go out and get some coffee and then come back to the house to relax a bit.
One thing I have had on my mind is the fact my weightloss has not progressed further than where it is. It has stayed at about what it has been for quite a while. At one point I gained back and went to exactly 200 pounds. I was struck with fear and have since watched my weight and got it back down to about where I wanted to be when I first started this progress.
At 400+ pounds I said I would give anything to be 185. I have gotten to that point and have not been able to progress below this and I know it is because of my lack of fight.
I have decided today I am starting back - fighting. I never want to be that person again and if I do not focus I will never make my goal of being in the center of the healthy BMI levels which means I need to lose an additional 25 pounds.
Some people say that weightloss is easy if you have surgery and they have no idea unless they have been there. It is not easy, expecially when you have had so many complications it puts you couch-ridden.
I have decided to get my fight back, not only for me, but for the fact that in 1 1/2 months I have to do a photo for the front cover of my book. I want that cover to show my 80+ inches of scars that have brought me from the person I once was to the person I am today. The second reason I want to do this is because I want to prove I am on my way, I am successful. This struggle is like anyone else, food is a battle, working out is a battle, and fighting off the pain and struggles and not turning to food is really the battle.
So - here is to a fresh start. For me, no one else. Very few have been there through thick and thin and I continue to remind myself that not everyone is what they say they are.
I am a good person, I am a strong woman, I am a tough female ready to fight for what I want. The fight in me died for a little while but it is back - complications or not - NO ONE will tell me I am a loss cause. No one will tell me I am not going to make it. I will make it and I dont even care to prove myself to anyone. I will make it for me and MY future. I have always said, "its your choice to be part of my life," and I want to take that back. It is my decision. I am strong and I will do this for me, Life will follow.
To those of you who have always been there regardless; never judged, never used me for their own gain, never turned me away in my time of need, never stopped listening - You are my added strength - thank you.
Jessica
Today I woke up at 5am... wth! I couldnt believe it, I even tried to snuggle up to the love of my life, and still couldn't fall asleep! So I sat on the couch and decided I would go out and get some coffee and then come back to the house to relax a bit.
One thing I have had on my mind is the fact my weightloss has not progressed further than where it is. It has stayed at about what it has been for quite a while. At one point I gained back and went to exactly 200 pounds. I was struck with fear and have since watched my weight and got it back down to about where I wanted to be when I first started this progress.
At 400+ pounds I said I would give anything to be 185. I have gotten to that point and have not been able to progress below this and I know it is because of my lack of fight.
I have decided today I am starting back - fighting. I never want to be that person again and if I do not focus I will never make my goal of being in the center of the healthy BMI levels which means I need to lose an additional 25 pounds.
Some people say that weightloss is easy if you have surgery and they have no idea unless they have been there. It is not easy, expecially when you have had so many complications it puts you couch-ridden.
I have decided to get my fight back, not only for me, but for the fact that in 1 1/2 months I have to do a photo for the front cover of my book. I want that cover to show my 80+ inches of scars that have brought me from the person I once was to the person I am today. The second reason I want to do this is because I want to prove I am on my way, I am successful. This struggle is like anyone else, food is a battle, working out is a battle, and fighting off the pain and struggles and not turning to food is really the battle.
So - here is to a fresh start. For me, no one else. Very few have been there through thick and thin and I continue to remind myself that not everyone is what they say they are.
I am a good person, I am a strong woman, I am a tough female ready to fight for what I want. The fight in me died for a little while but it is back - complications or not - NO ONE will tell me I am a loss cause. No one will tell me I am not going to make it. I will make it and I dont even care to prove myself to anyone. I will make it for me and MY future. I have always said, "its your choice to be part of my life," and I want to take that back. It is my decision. I am strong and I will do this for me, Life will follow.
To those of you who have always been there regardless; never judged, never used me for their own gain, never turned me away in my time of need, never stopped listening - You are my added strength - thank you.
Jessica
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Dear Diary 6/1/2011 - I sure do love "know-it-alls"
Dear Diary,
So June 13th, I have an additional appointment for an Upper GI for them to look into what is going on in my system and what causes my pain every time I eat, use the bathroom, anything pertaining to my stomach. When I bend down I am in pain. This is not normal so we are working on trying to get the answers asap, and trying to fix them NOW.
Now I am sure your questioning the title... I just have to get my thoughts out there for the jerk-offs that think they know everything. First of all - NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING, so STOP trying to prove to me that you are trying to "be there" when you Always have something negative to say.
To the person I am talking to - your surgery went great - your reconstructive surgeries went perfect, and you always have family to give to your every spoiled need. You have no idea what it is like to fight for life or struggles - so - STAY OUT OF MY LIFE FOR GOOD. You are jealous that I am in the process of publishing a book and to be honest - When I am ready to release it - I will. You have absolutely NO right to throw in my face ANYTHING when the fact is, you don't know where I am today and if i died tomorrow, you would probably be the last to find out because of your own mean ways. True friends stand by one another even if they disagree with the other's decision, and they give their opinion, they don't walk away and act all "Im better than you" when we BOTH KNOW you are NOT. SO - lets just let it be, you do you, I will do me, we stay out of each others lives, and the world still turns.
Off to a different topic because I am still in shock this person had the GAWL to text me instead of answering any of my calls.
You know what - Im not moving on.... I DONT CARE! Here is how I REALLY FEEL!
I CAN NOT STAND PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WERE ONCE FAT - SO STOP MAKING FUN OF THOSE WHO STILL ARE! STOP JUDGING!! NOT EVERYONE HAS THE ABILITY TO GET THE SURGERY - SO STAND BY THOSE IN NEED, DON'T DEGRADE THEM IN AND MAKE THEM FEEL BAD - STOP FORGETING YOU WERE FAT ONCE! MADE FUN OF, TOLD NASTY THINGS! Grow up... I really hope one day you get your head out of your ass and realize the world does not revolve around you and that you are NO BETTER than anyone else. I hope you find a friend that stands by you as I did after you CONTINOUSLY do things to them to hurt them... Ive learned my lesson and I am okay with my mistakes.
And dont you ever text me, call, write, nothing - be respectful - dont tell me I am "gaining weight" DO YOU LOOK AT MY F$%^&*ING SCALE EVERY MORNING WITH ME??? Stupid .... GRRR Im so mad but you know what.... final thought -
I am no better than anyone else, and I try my damnest to be there for those in need - try it - its humbling to not feel like the world revolves around me. I am greatful and respectful of EVERYONE and know not everything works in the way we always hope. The book I am about to have published will be amazing, and it will be great and it will help others in need. It is honest and it is truthful. The only things I left out was all the BULLSHIT you did to me, and I made sure to paint you as an angel - have a nice life.
So June 13th, I have an additional appointment for an Upper GI for them to look into what is going on in my system and what causes my pain every time I eat, use the bathroom, anything pertaining to my stomach. When I bend down I am in pain. This is not normal so we are working on trying to get the answers asap, and trying to fix them NOW.
Now I am sure your questioning the title... I just have to get my thoughts out there for the jerk-offs that think they know everything. First of all - NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING, so STOP trying to prove to me that you are trying to "be there" when you Always have something negative to say.
To the person I am talking to - your surgery went great - your reconstructive surgeries went perfect, and you always have family to give to your every spoiled need. You have no idea what it is like to fight for life or struggles - so - STAY OUT OF MY LIFE FOR GOOD. You are jealous that I am in the process of publishing a book and to be honest - When I am ready to release it - I will. You have absolutely NO right to throw in my face ANYTHING when the fact is, you don't know where I am today and if i died tomorrow, you would probably be the last to find out because of your own mean ways. True friends stand by one another even if they disagree with the other's decision, and they give their opinion, they don't walk away and act all "Im better than you" when we BOTH KNOW you are NOT. SO - lets just let it be, you do you, I will do me, we stay out of each others lives, and the world still turns.
Off to a different topic because I am still in shock this person had the GAWL to text me instead of answering any of my calls.
You know what - Im not moving on.... I DONT CARE! Here is how I REALLY FEEL!
I CAN NOT STAND PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WERE ONCE FAT - SO STOP MAKING FUN OF THOSE WHO STILL ARE! STOP JUDGING!! NOT EVERYONE HAS THE ABILITY TO GET THE SURGERY - SO STAND BY THOSE IN NEED, DON'T DEGRADE THEM IN AND MAKE THEM FEEL BAD - STOP FORGETING YOU WERE FAT ONCE! MADE FUN OF, TOLD NASTY THINGS! Grow up... I really hope one day you get your head out of your ass and realize the world does not revolve around you and that you are NO BETTER than anyone else. I hope you find a friend that stands by you as I did after you CONTINOUSLY do things to them to hurt them... Ive learned my lesson and I am okay with my mistakes.
And dont you ever text me, call, write, nothing - be respectful - dont tell me I am "gaining weight" DO YOU LOOK AT MY F$%^&*ING SCALE EVERY MORNING WITH ME??? Stupid .... GRRR Im so mad but you know what.... final thought -
I am no better than anyone else, and I try my damnest to be there for those in need - try it - its humbling to not feel like the world revolves around me. I am greatful and respectful of EVERYONE and know not everything works in the way we always hope. The book I am about to have published will be amazing, and it will be great and it will help others in need. It is honest and it is truthful. The only things I left out was all the BULLSHIT you did to me, and I made sure to paint you as an angel - have a nice life.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Dear Dairy? 4-8-2011 - Want to know the truth about relationships? Like it or not here it is.
The Ultimate Truth About Relationships - Want to know the truth?
Lets just get it all out there on the table. People say they have best friends. People say they would never hurt or try to hurt those people they consider to be their best friends/friends/etc... but the truth is - there is no such thing. Hear me out here before you start to judge (this is what is wrong with society.)
I will get right to the point of my statement and then give examples and then you can choose to agree or disagree - this is your choice.
The definition of "Friendship" it is a relationship between two people with common ground that are not in a sexual relationship. My relationship between my fiance and I is a Friendship/Sexual relationship. My relationship with people outside of my family are Friendships/No-Sexual relationship. The only difference between my relationship with Beau and my relationship with my friend Bree - is as simple as SEX. There is not a sexual relationship there. This is the only difference. So that being said lets move on to the TRUE meaning of a friendship.
A Friendship is based on the fact of one human being having a relationship with another human being because of common ground. Once that common ground has been broken the relationship will begin to fall apart and it will become an acquaintance - ship. This is completely different than anything I have spoken of, this is where you know someone in passing a "Hi how are you" (and not really truly care about the response) type "relationship."
Are you following me?
Let me give examples to help you better understand.
Everyone has had people walk in and out of their lives for one reason or another. Some people find themselves dumbfounded trying to figure out why their friend of many years disappeared from their lives. Well, let me break it down for you.
Picture yourself in this book called life. As a child you are on the intro, you are still in the beginning. As you grow, you jump around in the chapters as you learn you may progress, and as you fail you may back-pedal.
Now with that picture in your head, think about the people in your lives,... these people you consider to be very close friends. Now imagine were you are in this book and think about where they are. The people you truly define as your "Best friends" will be either on the same page, or very close to your page, maybejust barely on the next page or not far behind you.
Now looking at where you are in the book and think about your relationship with the person you are with (Sexual Relationship) This person you are with is either - On the same page OR is not too far ahead and on a page you either think you deserve to be on (maybe they can take you there) or you are both on the same page.
Now. Acquaintance - This relationships with these people - they are not ten chapters ahead but they are not out of eyes reach. This makes them an acquaintance. You see them in passing so they cant be that far gone.
Still following me? Good, because it will get more difficult from here.
Now going back to your Best friends. People say there are very few people in this world that are Best friends and they say, my best friend will be there through thick and thin til the end of time. No matter what. Well... I can tell you this is VERY far fetched and very seldom do you come across someone that will be on your same page, every time you turn the page they are right behind your every word. The reason why this hardly ever happens is because people change. THATS right... people CHANGE. And not for a bad way either. They could be trying to better themselves... maybe they decided they are reading to slow, and they start speeding up. Now the best friend is struggling because reading faster is not something they can do right now. Your "Best friend" Becomes an acquaintance - VERY quickly.
Let me explain more -
I had Gastric Bypass, as you all know. I had MANY friends before this surgery. But most of my "Best friends" - they are all just as miserable as I was, maybe not Huge in weight. But they were still on the same page because Misery LOVES company. I was their company. I decided to have surgery and I decided what I was doing - was reading too damn slow. So I read faster and I even jumped a few steps. And before I knew It I was being called names, being degraded. Being disrespected... all by ?? you ask?? All by my so called "Best friend." This made me think about the true meaning of friends and who I was and what I had done to deserve this... and then it all clicked. The truth about friends... is not as complex as it may seem.
As soon as I decided to read a little faster (and I did try to help those around me to read with me...) I was shunned from what I thought was a perfect friendship. Not just by one... Not just by two... by nearly EVERY SINGLE person I knew before having Gastric Bypass.
The peopleI thought would congratulate me for taking ahold of my life before I had a heart attack from being over 400 pounds and I thought would be happy to see me happy rather than in a casket -they were judgemental and disgraced all of the hard work I did to save my life.
Now you would say - the they were not best friends - right? Your wrong. They were my best friends. They were my everything then and I realize now... I turnedthe pages too fast and I rocked their own boats.
Now... On to your relationship (sexual) woahs...
Ever wonder why a relationship fails? It fails because one partner finds themselves either wanting to read onto the next chapter while the other partner wants to stay on the same chapter. This is the demise of most relationships.
Now. You could say - I would be so happy if my best friend won the lottery. BUT - Down under it all, you think you know that they would give you some to help you out as well right? Dont say no. If they didnt giveyou some and they went about their lives with all these fancy things while you are still where you are - it would end the relationship. It would. Unless you could thrive on their fortune - You are still Many chapters behind where you both were before the other person (my miracle) jumped ahead ten chapters.
I guess if I was that person,to keep my friends I would do what I could to bring those close to me to the same chapter as I was on - in order to keep those friends. But why should I have to? See - this is my point.
There is no such thing as True Best Friends. Or perfect relationships (all types) unless both parties are on the same page/chapter even for the entirety of their lives.
My Mother's Story -
She had TONS of friends when she was my age as she worked at a bar. She knew everyone and everyone knew her. It was an awesome timein her life- surrounded by people she thought would do anything for her as she would do for them. That was until I asked her to come to my school for career day when I was in the second grade. She had to decline and this made her think of her choices. Within a month she signed up for classes to get out of the life style she was in to persue something more professional, something she could be pround of. Within a year she lost nearly ALL of her friends and within a few years, they were all gone... why? She jumped chapters - and the others... they could not, so the friendships slowly ended. And she did this with no support - accept for the support of her children.
This is where I come to the question... is it Jealousy? Is it Jealousy in the human nature to shun those that are not on the same page as you. Think back to elementry school... middle school.... or the worse - Highschool. People formed clicks for a reason. This is the beginning of the mess we have in society. The clicks of people on the same page. These clicks even stayed together for a long period of time until different decisions were made to cause people to drift apart.
So - My Meaning behind this article... Charish you friendships today because they can easily be gone tomorrow. And dont make decisions, based on what other people think - but dont find yourself upset when those you thought would be there forever are not.
With this I dedicate to my friends of my past. Mostly those before my gastric bypass- ones I have drifted apart from and no longer speak to. This wasnt by my choice - it was yours. I tried to show you that I have not changed - I may be on a different chapter, but I am still me. I am on the chapter called "Be healthy or die" Respect my decisions as I have always respected yours. Be happy for my accomplishments and remember they are not too far out of your reach - you could easily take charge of your life and make the changes to better you.
I ask - Do not judge the things I do today, as they are making me better for tomorrow. Do not judge my decisions as they are accomplishing a goal I have set for me - not you.
So. As a last note. Rely on ONLY you. You know the phrase "Do you" and the ultimate phrase "You only live once and you can only count on you" I take these to heart. As I still have people I consider to be my friends now, but know they can be gone in an instant.
I am living my life for me and those that are not on my page - I understand the consequences of my decisions. But this will not stop me in accomplishing my Great Goals I have set for myself.
And finally - I am willing to lose those I love today for the chance to Love me - Tomorrow.
Godbless.
Jessica
Lets just get it all out there on the table. People say they have best friends. People say they would never hurt or try to hurt those people they consider to be their best friends/friends/etc... but the truth is - there is no such thing. Hear me out here before you start to judge (this is what is wrong with society.)
I will get right to the point of my statement and then give examples and then you can choose to agree or disagree - this is your choice.
The definition of "Friendship" it is a relationship between two people with common ground that are not in a sexual relationship. My relationship between my fiance and I is a Friendship/Sexual relationship. My relationship with people outside of my family are Friendships/No-Sexual relationship. The only difference between my relationship with Beau and my relationship with my friend Bree - is as simple as SEX. There is not a sexual relationship there. This is the only difference. So that being said lets move on to the TRUE meaning of a friendship.
A Friendship is based on the fact of one human being having a relationship with another human being because of common ground. Once that common ground has been broken the relationship will begin to fall apart and it will become an acquaintance - ship. This is completely different than anything I have spoken of, this is where you know someone in passing a "Hi how are you" (and not really truly care about the response) type "relationship."
Are you following me?
Let me give examples to help you better understand.
Everyone has had people walk in and out of their lives for one reason or another. Some people find themselves dumbfounded trying to figure out why their friend of many years disappeared from their lives. Well, let me break it down for you.
Picture yourself in this book called life. As a child you are on the intro, you are still in the beginning. As you grow, you jump around in the chapters as you learn you may progress, and as you fail you may back-pedal.
Now with that picture in your head, think about the people in your lives,... these people you consider to be very close friends. Now imagine were you are in this book and think about where they are. The people you truly define as your "Best friends" will be either on the same page, or very close to your page, maybejust barely on the next page or not far behind you.
Now looking at where you are in the book and think about your relationship with the person you are with (Sexual Relationship) This person you are with is either - On the same page OR is not too far ahead and on a page you either think you deserve to be on (maybe they can take you there) or you are both on the same page.
Now. Acquaintance - This relationships with these people - they are not ten chapters ahead but they are not out of eyes reach. This makes them an acquaintance. You see them in passing so they cant be that far gone.
Still following me? Good, because it will get more difficult from here.
Now going back to your Best friends. People say there are very few people in this world that are Best friends and they say, my best friend will be there through thick and thin til the end of time. No matter what. Well... I can tell you this is VERY far fetched and very seldom do you come across someone that will be on your same page, every time you turn the page they are right behind your every word. The reason why this hardly ever happens is because people change. THATS right... people CHANGE. And not for a bad way either. They could be trying to better themselves... maybe they decided they are reading to slow, and they start speeding up. Now the best friend is struggling because reading faster is not something they can do right now. Your "Best friend" Becomes an acquaintance - VERY quickly.
Let me explain more -
I had Gastric Bypass, as you all know. I had MANY friends before this surgery. But most of my "Best friends" - they are all just as miserable as I was, maybe not Huge in weight. But they were still on the same page because Misery LOVES company. I was their company. I decided to have surgery and I decided what I was doing - was reading too damn slow. So I read faster and I even jumped a few steps. And before I knew It I was being called names, being degraded. Being disrespected... all by ?? you ask?? All by my so called "Best friend." This made me think about the true meaning of friends and who I was and what I had done to deserve this... and then it all clicked. The truth about friends... is not as complex as it may seem.
As soon as I decided to read a little faster (and I did try to help those around me to read with me...) I was shunned from what I thought was a perfect friendship. Not just by one... Not just by two... by nearly EVERY SINGLE person I knew before having Gastric Bypass.
The peopleI thought would congratulate me for taking ahold of my life before I had a heart attack from being over 400 pounds and I thought would be happy to see me happy rather than in a casket -they were judgemental and disgraced all of the hard work I did to save my life.
Now you would say - the they were not best friends - right? Your wrong. They were my best friends. They were my everything then and I realize now... I turnedthe pages too fast and I rocked their own boats.
Now... On to your relationship (sexual) woahs...
Ever wonder why a relationship fails? It fails because one partner finds themselves either wanting to read onto the next chapter while the other partner wants to stay on the same chapter. This is the demise of most relationships.
Now. You could say - I would be so happy if my best friend won the lottery. BUT - Down under it all, you think you know that they would give you some to help you out as well right? Dont say no. If they didnt giveyou some and they went about their lives with all these fancy things while you are still where you are - it would end the relationship. It would. Unless you could thrive on their fortune - You are still Many chapters behind where you both were before the other person (my miracle) jumped ahead ten chapters.
I guess if I was that person,to keep my friends I would do what I could to bring those close to me to the same chapter as I was on - in order to keep those friends. But why should I have to? See - this is my point.
There is no such thing as True Best Friends. Or perfect relationships (all types) unless both parties are on the same page/chapter even for the entirety of their lives.
My Mother's Story -
She had TONS of friends when she was my age as she worked at a bar. She knew everyone and everyone knew her. It was an awesome timein her life- surrounded by people she thought would do anything for her as she would do for them. That was until I asked her to come to my school for career day when I was in the second grade. She had to decline and this made her think of her choices. Within a month she signed up for classes to get out of the life style she was in to persue something more professional, something she could be pround of. Within a year she lost nearly ALL of her friends and within a few years, they were all gone... why? She jumped chapters - and the others... they could not, so the friendships slowly ended. And she did this with no support - accept for the support of her children.
This is where I come to the question... is it Jealousy? Is it Jealousy in the human nature to shun those that are not on the same page as you. Think back to elementry school... middle school.... or the worse - Highschool. People formed clicks for a reason. This is the beginning of the mess we have in society. The clicks of people on the same page. These clicks even stayed together for a long period of time until different decisions were made to cause people to drift apart.
So - My Meaning behind this article... Charish you friendships today because they can easily be gone tomorrow. And dont make decisions, based on what other people think - but dont find yourself upset when those you thought would be there forever are not.
With this I dedicate to my friends of my past. Mostly those before my gastric bypass- ones I have drifted apart from and no longer speak to. This wasnt by my choice - it was yours. I tried to show you that I have not changed - I may be on a different chapter, but I am still me. I am on the chapter called "Be healthy or die" Respect my decisions as I have always respected yours. Be happy for my accomplishments and remember they are not too far out of your reach - you could easily take charge of your life and make the changes to better you.
I ask - Do not judge the things I do today, as they are making me better for tomorrow. Do not judge my decisions as they are accomplishing a goal I have set for me - not you.
So. As a last note. Rely on ONLY you. You know the phrase "Do you" and the ultimate phrase "You only live once and you can only count on you" I take these to heart. As I still have people I consider to be my friends now, but know they can be gone in an instant.
I am living my life for me and those that are not on my page - I understand the consequences of my decisions. But this will not stop me in accomplishing my Great Goals I have set for myself.
And finally - I am willing to lose those I love today for the chance to Love me - Tomorrow.
Godbless.
Jessica
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