For some reason sitting all cozy in this big comfy chair in my pjs, with my feet up and wrapped in a blanket - I am getting this feeling that: outside it is covered in white fluffy snow, zero degrees or below, and the moon is glistening off the top of the snow giving the trees and sky - a beautiful silver hue.
With this thought in mind it brings me back to late fall in the North East, where the snow blankets the ground and vehicles where as you walk by them you cant help but break up the beauty and form a snow ball to throw at an unsuspecting person. Then my thoughts begin to sway thinking about how much I want to do... Things before like throwing that snow ball was too much work, where as now I can't wait to cover myself in the freezing mess as I make the best snow angel possible, while laughing as hard as I can with great people. Where before the heavy breathing and mind begging me not to fall because getting up would be nearly impossible would slowly kill me inside.
Today I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time and thought, "I can do this." Something I have never actually thought to myself. This simple thought of possiblility never crossed my mind with such certainty.
My life is New. It is a new beginning, and I am so blessed to wake up every day with this level of focus and determination. I am ready for those long walks through the mall during christmas hours, or the lenghty standing in line at walmart after the holidays, or Spring cleaning when the weather outside is so crisp and the cool breeze begs you to open the windows and clean out every corner of your home... I am excited for children and chasing them through the department store when they are bad or staying up all night with them chasing off the boggie monsters.
I used to live every second for the second... Today when I looked at myself in the mirror I thought to myself, I am ready for my future, I am ready for losing the old Jessica, the angry Jessica, the "I hate society" Jessica... and I have successfully welcomed in the understanding, the unjudgmental, the non-greiving Jessica. I am the future Jessica, the Jessica I wished for but never expected to show. I am Happy with me. There are little changes I will make from here on out, but I am finally ready. I am finally ready for Life... I am ready to live.
People would ask me pre-Gastric Bypass... what was my reason for wanting to have weightloss surgery - My answer was I want to be able to Run if I want to... so...
I am ready to Run.
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Jess, I am so glad that you have found happiness in your life. You have done great, and I look forward to watching and reading what the future brings for you. Hopefully that includes maybe a niece and a nephew :)
ReplyDelete~~Jen