You know today we were out in the garage, Beau and I, I sat in a chair watching him work on his vehicle and I just kept thinking to myself, I want this. I want this. I want to sit in "Our" garage feeling the cool breeze while he does what he enjoys and I do the same by checking on dinner, picking up, and inbetween just sitting there watching... listening to him talk about cars, while thinking I wish I knew what he was talking about.
I used to not have a clue about what I wanted, but everyday it seems to get clearer, and clearer. While listening to him chatter on about headlights in the back of my mind I could hear the pitter patter of childrens feet in the background. The undeniable joy and innocence in a childs laughter... Its so weird to hear/think things such as these when I have always believed I would never find the right person, I would only settle and in that - children are not something I wanted. The thought of bringing a child into a love-less home did not suit me very well. But I am guessing the reason for these "left field" thoughts about children are from being in love with the person I am with.
Right now, I am sitting here on the couch thinking, how can I finish this blog so I can go lay in his arms. I guess I will end it with this -
If you can not honestly say you are not in love with the one you are with, maybe it isnt right. I spent years of my life in a love-less home... if not all of my life. I feel as though I have never in my 26 years of existance, never have I seen a truly loving relationship between two people, until just under 5 months ago when it was provided to me, when I least expected it.
I have a new definition of love.
Love - The uncontrollable feeling in the pit of your stomach when your with another human being. A feeling of sheer Happiness. A feeling of completion. A feeling of falling in a hole and you know there is no bottom... its scary but you know you are safe. You will never hit the bottom so what is there to fear. Love is more than the feeling you get when you are served your favorite meal. Love is more than the feeling you get when you win the lottery. Love is Amazing. Love has no boundaries, has no control, and lastly - it makes you feel at peace.
Goodnight world.
Jessica
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