Dear Diary,
Operation Alabama is in effect! Beau left this morning at 6am boarding to Mobile, Alabama =-( Why you ask? Well he was called on Saturday evening around 4pm and offered a job that we just refuse - So I thought at the time... Whats three months away from each other, we will see each other in a couple weeks and again a few after that I am sure. I guess mentally I thought this would be good because it could help get us in a good place for both of our surgeries, give Beau something to pass the time til his surgery a bit faster, and possibly set us up for other opportunities as well in the future...
My heart kept telling me - NO! DONT LET HIM GO!! But my brain new better and told my heart that it would be okay, that maybe it would be good for us... maybe it will make me stronger basically living on my own again for a little while. Still My heart screams NO! What did you do!!!???!!!
So When we pulled into the airport, all I kept thinking was be strong- dont you dare cry! But I teared up and choked back the tears to say goodbye - unable to look him in the face. As soon as he grabbed his bags and started walking away I started crying uncontrollably... took a few minutes sitting in the front seat of the truck, constantly wipping them away trying to get the ability to see.
Now Im laying here in bed, its 9pm, 8pm his time, and I am still thinking the same thing I thought when I drove away from the airport - "Your so stupid, instead of taking a shower you should have been hugging on him and kissing on him since you know it will be 2 weeks until you see him again." I guess it wasnt until I was driving away did I actually realize what I had agreed to...
In any event I am stuck with my decision to okay it. I know it will be okay, I know I will be okay, and I know we will be stronger because of it.
Even though before I knew that this was the man for me... being away from him makes me realize not only this but that I am positive - I would not want to live without him.
I love this man more than I have ever loved anything in the world, and I am counting down the days until the 19th when I can see him again. I Love You Baby.
Jess
Btw - Beef Jerky in the bags is okay... Beef Jerky Mystery Meat sticks - NOT OK!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I just watched some of your videos...really helpful...I am going through the process of getting gastric bypass surgery. I hope by August maybe sooner. But I am going through the same thing with my bf being apart he has been gone for only two weeks and is in a whole other country. We have been together almost 2 years. Hopefully he will be back soon he was also gone for work for 4 months back in the winter it really sucked. I hate being w/o but it has given me time to concentrate on myself and think more clearly about the surgery. Thanks for capturing your journey to your new life.
ReplyDeleteMaggie