Diary Entry - 2.22.10

Dear Diary,

So it has been a few days since I have written - Sorry for the delay.  My friend came down from up north, so I have been hanging out with her, we spent the weekend at Myrtle Beach, had a ball!  Showed her the strip, went shopping at the coach outlet, as well as everything else at the Tanger Mall and I even got to teach her beach bingo!  It was awesome.  We just got back today, and spent the evening having a couple drinks, the  new Dominos pizza...  Let me just say AMAZING - we got the Thin Crust  it had - Light Cheese, Spinach, Feta, Tomatos, Black olives, Banana Peppers, Onions, Green Peppers, Roasted Red Peppers, and mushrooms - and I dipped it in Mango Habanero Sauce ... Was indeed the BEST thing I have ever eaten!!!  Sadly as I am writing this I am still drinking like a fish because the Habanero sauce was SPICY!

Well, after dinner and everyone started falling asleep, I went in an laid down with Beau to relax... I have felt this way for a long time, but it hit me tonight - I could NOT imagine my life without that man in it.  Its so weird to be telling him I love him for a few months now, and how amazing it was to fall in love with him - but to actually feel like I could not live my life without him; Now that is crazy.

Anyways on to other news... I got into a huge fight with a friend of mine of nearly 20 years.  Maybe I should have just blown off a few things that were said, but I just couldnt.  I am expecting it to blow over sooner than later, but the ball is certainly in her court. 

I learned something though during this fight - I have grown so much post op.  I am no longer that woman that would hide her frustrations and just try to make everyone laugh so they might take their minds off my weight... Now I see things in a different light.  I was told I have changed both mentally and physically - and when this was said, it was meant to be negative.  But after reading over the email a few times I realized something -

I have changed mentally and physically.  I see life for what it is now.  I see that it is not as scary as I made it out to be.  I dont always have to be the "Funny" one in the group, and it is okay to just be me.  I have learned over the past few months there is a real thing in the wording "true love"  I have true love in myself.  Maybe this is the root of all happiness... Finding love for yourself, and not just love like I love that pizza I had tonight, I mean true love - as in I LOVE waking up in the morning, I LOVE looking in the mirror and seeing "Jessica."

I used to say there comes a time in everyones life when they come to a intersection where a turn needs to be made, a decision, a change, all for the positive...  My intersection has taken me now 9 months to cross, and I think there is another one coming - greatest part about that is, I am no longer scared of the changes in my life, every change in the past 9 months has been amazing.

I Love My Life.

Jessica